By Alan Dean, retired Seventh-day Adventist pastor
Father’s Day is Sunday. In many homes fathers are absent due to wartime deaths, fatal accidents or disease, divorce, or their just walking away. It affects greatly the children. Balanced love and discipline often do not prevail. Churches and our schools can and do make good attempts to supply the lack. They are a rich blessing.
Even in homes where fathers are present, raising children is a big challenge. In Ephesians 6:1-4 is given an approach to raising children from the children’s point of view and the father’s.
It reads: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise (Commandment #5), that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
If fatherhood is to be a success, this 2-fold approach must begin with the father. And this takes wisdom on his part. Proverbs 9:10 says “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” So, all fathers need to pray to the Lord for parental wisdom. Proverbs 3:13,15 says “Happy is the man who gains this wisdom; it is more precious than rubies.”
Through experience this wisdom tells us that fathers need to spend time with their children in work and play, displaying love, forgiveness, understanding and support. Taking time with them in nature is a great way to have quality time. Religious instruction must take place as well, but it must be displayed in the father’s life too. The Lord must be involved. When this occurs, children most often will want to honor and obey their father. They will do this in spite of peer pressure from their friends to do otherwise.
So, Paul is saying that this relationship development is a two-way street. But it must begin with the father coming close to his children. He serves as an example (good or bad) of their heavenly father.
Solomon, who wrote most of Proverbs, shares what he learned about the father-son relationship. Proverbs 2:12 says “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a (good) father does.” So correction is done from a loving concern for the child. Then it will be clear to the child why he is being corrected or disciplined. And as a result Proverbs 13:1 is true – “A wise son heeds his father’s instruction” and “a wise son makes a father glad” (Proverbs 10:1).
For some fathers who are older, there may still be relationships with children that need to be mended. It’s never too late to seek improvements. We’ve all made mistakes in the past as a parent. Should we ask a child to forgive us for our parental mistakes, we may be surprised at how quick he will forgive.
Family ties are a God-given desire that He puts in our hearts. Satan purposes to destroy families, but God’s love is more powerful to restore these ties if we cooperate with Him. So I suggest we fathers take the initiative to seek any needed healing in our parental relationships. And we’ll have much more opportunity to enjoy the grandchildren. This is icing on the cake.
