Rev. Jim Churchwell
New Life Community Fellowship
We have just shared with family and friends around the table with the celebration of Thanksgiving. Now we are approaching the Christmas season with all of its traditions and memories that are so closely related to our family and friends.
What follows is something I wrote some years ago. It focuses mainly on our response to the passing of a loved one. I have updated some of the information because of the changes over the years. It is my prayer that all of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one be comforted and encouraged by these words.
“Blessed are they that mourn; for the shall be comforted,” (Matthew 5:4).
As a pastor and hospice volunteer, I know that grief and mourning concerns everyone. Often, because of the difficulty and pain connected with this experience, we ignore it or try to cover it up with activities. As one who seeks to encourage, it is my prayer that you find help in these words for the journey.
Simply put, grief is a response to loss. The more significant the loss, the greater the grief a person experiences. We grieve over the loss of a relationship, a job, or the death of a loved one. Grief involves the total person: body, mind, emotions and spirit. It is your right to grieve.
Many find it difficult to admit the reality of death. Death has a finality that touches the very core of our being. The loss may come suddenly or it may be anticipated. When it happens, we begin the process of responding to the reality.
Responding to the pain of this experience is most difficult, but it can be the means for healing in the days to come. Treat yourself with compassion and love. Don’t be afraid to respond to your feelings—sorrow is as real as joy.
Often, I encourage families to remember their loved one. Tell the family stories. Share the events and happenings. Memory is a gift that enables us to treasure the one with whom we shared this life. Share your memories and allow yourself to laugh, cry and remember.
Developing a new “self” perspective is another step in the healing process. Our lives were “married” to the other person. This is one of the most challenging experiences in the grief healing process. Give yourself time.
In the grief process, we come face to face with some of the most difficult questions that come to our lives. The ‘why’ questions are almost impossible to answer. We can never know—so we can only ask ‘why.’ In my own experience, I have come to ask a different question: “what can I understand from this experience? What insight can I gather for working through my feelings and questions?”
It is here that my faith in God contributes to my understanding. I am aware that not everyone has the same understanding. At this point, I have learned to pray for guidance and to focus on helping individuals and families find meaning in the face of life’s most difficult questions and circumstances.
Someone said we must all grieve, but we don’t have to do it alone. Asking for help and receiving help for those who love us is not a weakness of our character or a lack of inner strength. It is an admission of our humanity.
Allowing others into our circle can be part of the grief healing process.
Take care of yourself: be kind, gentle, patient and loving. Remember the comfort you receive may not just be for you, but for you to share with a fellow struggler involved in the grief healing process. Amen.
Post Script …. “Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share.
Just hold my hand and let me cry and say, “My friend, I care.” (Joanetta Hendel, Bereavement Magazine.)
Mountain Valley Hospice and Palliative Care has helpful information and trained team members available to anyone in the grief healing process. You may call the MVHPC office at 694-4416 for information and support.
