By Alan Dean, retired Seventh-day Adventist pastor
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
This is a very challenging request that the Apostle Paul makes for husbands – to love as Christ loves the church. Even a quick survey of our country, the world, and even in the church shows husbands falling far short of this goal. But it is so important for the family. Family counselor, Gary Smalley, has said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. It’s amazing to see the positive influence this makes upon the children, just to see their dad warmly embrace their mother.
Of course, this type of love expressed to the wife has great value to her as well. Psychologists say that it is love that has the greatest value to women, whereas respect generally has the greatest value to men. However, I believe respect would come if the wife received the love due her.
Men need to understand that love can be expressed in different ways. Besides warm embracing, love is expressed by quality time together. Women especially love this, even if it is only an hour per day. Our busy American lifestyle makes this hard for many couples. However, it’s very important to set aside some quality time daily.
Love can also be expressed through service. Being a help to the wife in the home or doing yard, garden, and maintenance work is much appreciated by most wives. Keeping the home and the grounds in shape is important to them.
Some women feel loved when they receive gifts such as flowers, a card, or a little box of candy. They are impressed that their husband thought of them earlier in the day and took time to buy a gift. It can be inexpensive because it’s as much the thought as the gift.
And lastly, love can be expressed to the wife by affirmation. Wives (and husbands) enjoy hearing appreciation for a work well-done. It can be for a good meal, a clean house, a pretty dress or for men a pretty landscape, a healthy garden, or his sharp-looking pickup. It encourages this person to continue doing their best.
However, the important thing to know is that most women (and men) have a favorite way of receiving love. It is up to the husband and wife to learn the favorite love language of their spouse in order to have the greatest impact. Buying gifts for a wife who wants quality time is of little value.
Finally, it’s important to know which type of love the husband likes to give, and not expect what he doesn’t naturally give. He may like to give service (do things for her) rather than giving her quality time. Good communication is needed to work out the proper priorities. So husbands, getting to know your wife’s love language is the first step in improving a loving relationship. Good communication can accomplish this.
Good marriages are the foundation to a strong family, a strong church, and a strong society. May the Lord help men to begin a true revival in our country in 2026 that will please Him.
